Painting Rainbows

They aren’t kidding when they say pregnancy gives you more vivid dreams, and last night, dear readers, you were the stars of my dreams.

More specifically, I forgot to turn my computer off in my dream, and you all came through the monitor, and were all pushing shopping carts in and around the baby’s room and on the walls and ceiling, á la synchronized swimmers, and everywhere your carts went, you left a trail of rainbow paint. It was like a scene from Rainbow Bright…… and I loved it! It was wonderful, and I can’t be sure, but there may have been grandiose music playing in the background. I felt like I was in Mr. Holland’s opus or something, and the baby’s room looked great when you were done.

So here is a heartfelt “thank-you” for the sweet dreams last night!

Me and my jammies

Being pregnant is exhausting. The minute I get home from work, I barely make it through the door before running to the bedroom to change into jammies and post up on the couch. The Missus has been so wonderful too, and assures me that as long as I keep growing her baby, I don’t have to do any chores or anything. Naturally, I like this arrangement, but did feel bad that I couldn’t be motivated to even celebrate our 6 year anniversary that was Saturday. Unless you count going to Ihop for some “little minion potatoes” that I just HAD to have after seeing a commercial for them as an anniversary celebration. Which I don’t.

The good news is that I have been given a rain check for an anniversary celebration, to take place sometime during my second trimester, so that’s nice.

In other news: how the hell do three dogs shed soooo much? They are all “short-haired” but since I have been writing this (from the comfort of my couch, natch) Missus has been vacuuming and has emptied the canister no less than 5 times. We did go a few days without vacuuming because the thing was clogged (with hair, of course) but it’s been less than a week since the last time. Next dog We get is going to have to be one of those bald dogs. That’s all there is to it. (make that 6 times!)

Working weekends.

My work is a strange environment, and I am very nervous about telling my boss that I am pregnant.  This is the man that once fired a 5-year model employee one week before her maternity leave because in a private conversation with a coworker, she said that one of the customers was a “jack-ass”.

I am not nervous about telling the human resources person, she is nice and understanding, but she is required to tell my boss everything. He puts it in the HR contract. Shouldn’t I be protected by HIPPA or something? Isn’t pregnancy a medical condition, and she can’t tell anyone else my medical condition? At least I wouldn’t have to feel guilty when I need a little extra time in the morning to peel my body out of bed, because HR would know what is going on.

The problem right now is that I am the only graphic designer for the two different sister companies, and I have about 23 different brochures/posters/linesheets/projects for one company, and a 48 page catalog with four different cover wraps for the other company, all due on July 6th.  

That is a lot of work for a team of people, and definitely a lot of work for a team of ONE. Especially a very moody and hormonal one who is in her first trimester of pregnancy, has to wear “sea bands” to ward off the constant nausea, and can barely keep her eyes open all day long and just counts the hours until the workday ends and she can take a nap.

I almost spilled the beans when my boss smirked, “Well, you’ll just be working weekends, then.” But then I thought, well, if I wait until I get everything done and tell them afterwards, they can’t blame anything on the pregnancy (which they would do, instead of realizing that the load of work they have just dumped on me is virtually impossible for one person to complete). So I am going to tell them after July 6th.

But don’t expect me to smile when I have to come into the office on Saturday.

And now, a pregnancy bonus I discovered today: I never ever wear white pants, because I have an irrational fear of getting my period at a random time and having a leak and then being caught in public with that tell-tale red stain on my white pants. I do own two pairs of white pants, and have worn each of them exactly once. And it was just too nerve-racking. I had to run check the bathroom every five minutes just in case there was a leak.   

But today, I put on my whitest white pants, and am not even the tiniest bit nervous. There is no way I am going to get my period today, so I don’t have to worry.  I think all of my maternity pants will be white. I love white pants. They make me feel so fresh and happy, and now that I don’t have to worry about getting my period, I can wear them all day, every day.

I can haz cheezburger?

At the time of this writing, I would be perfectly happy if the only food left on the planet were cheeseburgers. In-n-out, McDonalds, Carls Jr…. It doesn’t matter. I want them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Up until this pregnancy, my go-to fast food was always Taco Bell. I would eat there five days a week if I had no self control. And now, I could take it or leave it, but I start thinking about cheeseburgers at 10 in the morning and don’t stop until I get my fill. It’s so strange since I am not really a huge meat eater. We even went a year without eating meat, and only started again because the Missus needed the iron.

I am probably on track to gain 100 pounds for this pregnancy, better be careful.

Hair it is.

I’ve always been thankful that I am a natural blonde, because I am a hairy little thing, and my one saving grace is that it is light colored hair.  Thankfully, from a few feet away, you can’t tell that I am a hairy beast. I realize, and have been assured by the Missus, that I am in reality “not that hairy”, but it is my personal demon to wrestle.

But this morning, I was having a very peaceful wake-up, all snugly and cuddly as the sun was brightening the bedroom… and she did it. She reached over and petted my tummy.  Yup, petted, just like you might pet the family hound. And for the first time in 6 years, she agreed with me that I am, in fact, turning into a monkey.

Because my entire tummy is furry!  

Also, my arm hairs seem to be about 1/2 an inch longer than they normally are, and I keep getting one black chin hair (that gets plucked as soon as it breaks the surface….).  My ultimate fear is that someone will want to see my pregnant belly and will be confronted with Robin William’s tummy.  

It looks like I am going to have to put my esthetician on speed dial and get a weekly wax.  Otherwise, people, you might not recognize me after a few months of all of this hair growth.

our baby: not doomed.

One of the top stories in Google news is that kids with lesbian parents are just as well adjusted, if not more-so, than kids with straight parents.  One less thing to worry about, that’s for sure.

Now, to check the other 14 billion worries off of my list…

A road trip from hell.

Since by trade we are wedding photographers, it was only natural that when my brother announced his engagement over a year ago, it soon followed that he would ask us to do his wedding photos as well.

I haven’t seen my family in a long time, and Missus had only met my parents and one of my 5 siblings, so we planned the road trip and got everything in order. When we took off last week, we had the car packed, a new windshield and a couple thousand dollars worth of improvements on the car.

The trip out was uneventful and full of laughing, singing along with our favorite songs, and a few mandatory tourist stops. We did tend to dawdle at each gas station we stopped at, and it took longer to get there than we expected. Missus met my family, and every thing went smoothly. They greeted her with open arms, and she fit in like, .. well, family.

The wedding day came, and as I was double booked as both bridesmaid and photographer, I wasn’t as pleased with the coverage I got (of course, Missus did wonderful, and I had my other brother and Dad helping out with additional photos), and I was feeling kind of bummed about that.

At the close of the simultaneously long and extremely short weekend, we said our good byes, had Dad check the coolant level and tires in the car, and headed out west.  The trip back didn’t start out too peachy. Along with the extreme exhaustion that comes with an early pregnancy, the long hours of a road trip crammed into a week’s time, the two-hour time difference and the fact that I was about to leave my family back in the midwest again, I was feeling pretty sad and, if I’m honest, a bit cranky with Missus. No reason. Just was. (Sorry babe).

We were 24 hours into our trip, and still 9 hours from home when we hit a freak blizzard on the Wyoming/Utah border. A semi-truck swerved into our lane, forcing Missus to swerve over into the far left lane, which had about three or four inches of slush/ice on it. Right as I said “let’s get out of this lane” she hit an ice patch, and we went sliding. I grabbed on to her as she tried to get the car out of it, but our low-profile tires were no match for the icy conditions. We did a few turns and ended up bouncing the car off of the guardrail a few times, finally stopping in the center divide, facing the oncoming traffic. The car was banged up pretty bad, the tires were off the rims, and we both whacked our heads. 

Yup. How to freak out a couple of expectant moms? Have a car accident. The ambulance come for us and everything.

The little town that it happened in were absolutely wonderful. We were definitely blessed by the kindness of strangers. We ended up making it home, thanks in no small part to a stranger-lady named Sharon, who lent us her vehicle to drive to the nearest car rental (over an hour away) and we were able to make it home, a couple days late, a few hours short on sleep, but no worse for the wear.

The good news? We were able to talk our doc into letting us get an early ultrasound. It involved probing, and there was no crown-rump-length yet, we did get to see the gestational/yolk sac, and it is proudly displayed on our fridge. I’m pretty proud of that little sac, and it looks just like it is supposed to.